While the argument could be made that it’s no longer just a man’s world, many women have experienced being passed over for a promotion, one which was given to a male coworker who may not necessarily have more or better qualifications. What do you do when you’ve experienced this?
Before letting your excitement get the better of you, take a step back and a deep breath before you rant (er, speak) to your supervisor. Give yourself time to process that the promotion you had been hoping for is not yours.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. It’s natural for situations like these to cause anger, sadness, and frustration. Give yourself time to cry in your soup, vent to friends, and wallow a little bit. If you’re one to take the wallowing too far, give yourself a time frame in which you will then start picking yourself up by the bootstraps (and you must do this, if you want to be on track for the next promotion!). One other bit of advice–even if you are on friendly terms with your coworkers, save the conversations about being overlooked for the promotion for another time, place, and audience. Don’t discuss it at work-as the “walls may have ears”–and keep it off all social media.
Avoid the urge to expose the promoted employee’s lack of qualifications. Even if you may feel that your male counterpart was not “deserving” of the promotion, avoid pointing out all the ways in which his work is inferior to yours. While it may be true, this will only make you look like a “sore loser” and can cause tension at the office.
Reflect, Observe, and Identify Areas for Growth. Reflect. Now that some of the strong feelings have been worked out of your system, start to reflect. While your work may be stellar, how proactive were you in obtaining recognition for your efforts? The research shows that men are far more likely to toot their own horns–a Salary.com survey stated that 55% of women feel uncomfortable about negotiating for better pay, whereas only 39% of men reported feelings of apprehension. Women may fear that talking to a supervisor about their accomplishments is boastful behavior. However, you may have heard the popular phrase, “You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you ask for.” Reflect and take a hard look at whether you even made “the ask.” What could you have done differently to make yourself top contender for the job? This has little to do with your actual abilities and more to do with presenting yourself and your accomplishments to key decision-makers.
Observe. Take a look at your male counterpart in action. What characteristics does he possess that may have put him at the top of your supervisor’s list for the promotion? Think beyond what is necessary for the job and instead develop a list of the attributes that are favored by the organization, the ones that are really ingrained in its culture, attitudes, and philosophies. Are your own qualities in line with those attitudes and beliefs? (Note: now is a good time to identify whether you want to conform to those attitudes or if you should be looking for a better fit.)
Identify areas for growth. Is there a skill in which you could improve, which would further your chances at obtaining a promotion next time around? What professional development opportunities are afforded to you? What conferences might you be able to attend or committees in which you could participate? These are additional opportunities for you to shine and gain recognition.
If all else fails, schedule a meeting with your supervisor
Once you’ve done everything outlined above, if you still feel you were unjustly passed over for a promotion, consider scheduling a meeting with your supervisor. My advice would be to first ask what the criteria were for the selection process. Make sure you’ve actually met the criteria. You may want to follow that up with asking about your male counterpart’s performance–what stands out in their minds and how you might emulate that.
One of my most poignant sessions with a client was one in which he told me of a time he sat down with a supervisor after seeing a colleague consistently exceed sales quotas. He asked what this high performer was doing that was different from the others, and put those practices into action himself. Before long, he was also exceeding his quota. His focus was on building himself up rather than finding a way to pull his colleague down. Use this as an opportunity to get yourself higher.
During the course of your conversation, if the answers you receive confirm that you were unjustly looked over for the promotion, ask about the protocol for submitting a formal complaint.
Log all accomplishments
Going forward, make sure to keep a running list of all your accomplishments at the company. Use the list during your next performance review–don’t be shy about your contributions! Good luck!
This article was originally written by Victoria Crispo for WomenWorking.com.
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